My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
