he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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