I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize