she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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