yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
