Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
