she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
