when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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