he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
