Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
