dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
