He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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