I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
