Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
