I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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