we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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