It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
im having a threesome with these popsicles
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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