She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
