I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
