i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
