This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
