Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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