There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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