i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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