What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
