I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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