apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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