i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
