I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
