There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
