perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
