Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
