My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
