By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
