I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
