my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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