M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
