i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
