Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
