Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
