I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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