That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
