If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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