Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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