like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
