i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
