Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
