Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This baby is an asshole
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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