Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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