I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if only i could text you this smell
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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