i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize