im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
