Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
