So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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