ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
