These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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