Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
