tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize