Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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