Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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